


in memory of us

by BurningFairytales



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Blood, Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-27
Updated: 2014-08-27
Packaged: 2018-02-15 00:52:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2209485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurningFairytales/pseuds/BurningFairytales
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because even when no one else does, Michael will remember.</p>
            </blockquote>





	in memory of us

_Martyrs, my friend, have to choose between being forgotten, mocked or used. As for being understood - never._

_(-Albert Camus)_

* * *

 

Michael remembers.

He knows that there aren’t many who do. He should assume his father does, but then, his father is not there for him to ask, and even if he was home, this is no matter Michael would ever address.  
His brothers certainly don’t. If he is being honest with himself _(he very rarely is)_ , he does not think that there is really anyone – besides him – left to remember Lucifer for who he really was.

Back when things were still the way they were supposed to.

Raphael doesn’t.

Raphael is ever the practical one. When Lucifer left, he spent his time concentrating on whatever tasks were assigned to him; always unquestioning, always focussed. Michael always felt like Raphael’s loyalty was never solely directed at their father, but rather at his brothers. And when Lucifer left, Raphael made the decision to forget it ever happened and move on. It wasn't effortless: Michael knows that his little brother looked towards him for answers. For guidance. In a way, on the rare occasions that he dares to consider it, Michael knows that he failed him. He wishes he could have given him what he needed, but he had barely enough left of himself to keep together.

Gabriel doesn’t remember, either.

He loved Lucifer with a passion. Idolised him, even. Lucifer, Michael knows, favoured Gabriel out of their brothers. He knows Lucifer taught him to much for Gabriel to forget about it all. Lucifer was always the brother Gabriel looked up to, and when he left, Michael suspects that something inside his younger brother broke. He didn’t understand the need to fight Lucifer –  if his continued absence is any indication, he still doesn’t – but Lucifer was dangerous, and he could not be allowed to roam freely.

 _(Michael tells himself this every day. It was the right thing, the_ good _thing. Lucifer does not belong in heaven anymore.)_

So Gabriel left, taking only the good memories of his brother with him.

And now, with Lucifer gone and Gabriel gone and their father gone, their family is a mess, torn and shattered and in pieces.

But Michael... Michael remembers.

He remembers being alone, and then a bright light, flashing into existence, and then there was Lucifer; beautiful, radiant. And Michael loved him.

He remembers Lucifer’s soft voice; the way his melodic voice was capable of agitating him, and soothing him, and exciting him; not with what he said, but by how he said it.

He remembers the feeling of Lucifer’s grace touching his, and how he’d never felt anything like it. Not before then, and not with any of their other brothers.

He remembers how horrified Lucifer had looked when their father had told them about humanity, and how Michael had wanted to reach out and hold him and be there for him. How he had wanted to tell him _“I am here, brother. I will not let you be alone.”_

He remembers Lucifer coming to him, telling him to stand with him, because he loved him, and he didn’t want to be without him. Michael remembers how that discussion got out of hand, how they were both raw and desperate and angry, and that they both lashed out at each other. Michael wishes he could it back. Wishes Lucifer had acted differently. That Michael had been enough for him to reconsider. He repeats their last meeting over and over in his head, and thinks of all the ways it could have gone.

It doesn’t matter. In the end, Lucifer always leaves.

And finally, Michael remembers blood dripping from his blade. He remembers his brother’s grace shining from a wound that he had caused, and the thought still makes him ache. So yes, Michael remembered the brother he loved above all else. The one who’d loved him in return, who supported him and who took his loneliness away from him in the beginning, only to return it ages later, when it was him that had to seal their fate.

The one who was now lost and buried and gone, who fell for what he believed in even though he was wrong, and Michael does not think he will ever understand.

He remembers and remembers and _remembers_ -

_(and knows that it will never be anywhere near enough-)_

And he wonders if anyone else does.  

**Author's Note:**

> Oh god. I wrote this thing ages ago, I don't even remember when anymore. This is admittedly even worse than what I usually write, but it seemed like a waste to just delete it. So I'm gonna leave that here and pretend it never happened.


End file.
